Male Issues
by Striped-Tie
Summary: Poor 'Ol Valentine. She simply doesn't have that sort of luck with men - You always find out what they're like after you agree to go out with them. But at least Chris seems happy enough to listen to what she has to say these days. JillxChris, yep.


A/N;

So I was staying at my pal's for a week end and she was telling me about someone her friend used to go out with. It just made me laugh, and I just felt like writing this. Not the best, but hell, it's something eh?

Resident Evil – Clearly I don't own it or I wouldn't NEED to be writing fanfics.

* * *

The day had been a little more… Quiet than others. This was due to the feelings that appeared to surround a certain Ms. Valentine. Whenever this sort of thing happened, everyone walked on their toes and made sure not to say anything stupid to her – Unless they were absolutely positive she would take it with jest. Or if they were Chris Redfield, who seemed accustom to the woman's moods and was experiences in both dealing with them and managing to shift her views back to brighter sights.

No sooner had the clock in the office struck the oh-so-loved time associated with lunch did Jill haul herself out of the room and down to the lunch room. She made no small talk with any of the other officers whom happened to be on the stairs or around the halls, though managed to nearly knock a rookie over the banisters.

Chris, having ignored Barry Burton's pleas to come back alive, was the second to venture out, waiting just a few minutes before heading the exact way Ms. Valentine had. He wasn't too worried about winding up in hospital – After all, he had put in the extra effort, all the extra time with her. He knew her buttons, and more over he knew more about her and her ways than anyone else in the station. If he didn't go and check on her, she would wonder if he were out of his mind.

No sooner had he brought his coffee and a sandwich to munch on did he spot her. Sitting in her usual spot, all on her lonesome, away from everyone else. It was for everyone elses' own safety that she did this, but Chris was the last one to ever care for his so called well-being.

"So how's Ms. I Have Real Bad Relationship Luck going today?" He smirked as he strolled over to her, knowing all too well the reason behind her acting the way she was today.

This statement earned a glare from the young woman as she turned in his direction, mumbling an insult under her breath as she turned back to her coffee. The next thing to follow was much clearly, but held more endearment that what the former had.

"Shut up and sit down with me, Mr. Man-Whore."

He smirked, shoving the lone cup of coffee she had idly sitting in front of her over despite it taking up very little space at all. He more than happily set himself beside her, grinning widely. She pouted at him, lazily pulling the coffee cup close again before giving him a playful shove. There would no point taking her mood out on him, and she knew that.

"It's lovely to see you too, Jill, so what's got you all bothered today?" He asked, pinching her arm lightly in a teasing manner. She quickly swatted his hand away, only to cause him to do it again.

"Stop that." She snapped threateningly, grabbing his fingers and bending them back a fraction – However, not far enough for them to hurt, it was simply a warning to him.

"People are gonna start thinking you've got a split personality or something." Chris warned with a simply, managing to wiggle his fingers out of her tough grip. "Oh wait, you're always a bitch."

"Oh blow me." She stated, poking her tongue out at him, leaning on her arm on the table in front of them.

"You might need me to, all the others seem to drop off like flies." He teased one again with a smirk, brushing a hand over her cheek. She growled lowly, shoving it away quite quickly.

"Fuck you."

"Stop shoving offers at me!" Before she could come back with anything else, he decided to stop playing with her before she got serious about it. The last thing he needed was a black eye from her – Again.

He nudged her, his smirk changing to a somewhat more concerned smile. He rested an elbow on the table in front of them as well, seeming more interesting in her than the beverage and lunch he had brought along. "So what happened this time, V? Thought this one was going good for you."

Jill took a deep breath, trying to appear as calm as possible. However she couldn't keep such a charade up and grunted loudly, slamming a fist on the table. Both coffees nearly ended up spilling over, and Chris found himself thankful he'd decided to give her a break when he had – She clearly had a lot of anger built up, and for a woman she was decently toned. Besides, their first meeting some months ago still served as a painful memory not to underestimate her knuckles.

"Does it really matter? Thing's over, that's all you have to know, Chris." She stated, her eyes falling away from him. Her tone gave away the bitterness she felt towards both whatever incident had happened, and the people involved.

Chris moved his hand over and gave her a firm pat on the back, half comforting and half coaxing her to spit it out. "You know it matters, so hop to it."

"Let's put it this way, I'm not fond of other women sleeping in my bed." Jill muttered quietly. She sounded ashamed, something that struck Chris as quite odd. Yes, time and time again she had been very unfortunate with her relations with men, but never once had she been ashamed about anything that had happened during those periods.

"You're not trying to lose weight or something like that are you?" Chris asked after the pause, noticing Jill's lack of food. She quickly looked at him, and he was unable to place the emotion on her face. Surprise, shock, a little taste of that shame again?

"Don't be stupid, it's nothing like that!" She snapped irritably after a few moments had passed. "You fucking…" She looked back down to her coffee, taking a sip of that cooling coffee. She sighed as she set the mug back down; shaking her head as she continued to mumbled a few irritated words. She bolted upright, alert when she felt Chris' hands on her. Set on her hips and running up, pressing close against her body, up to her shoulders than down her arms. He was surveying the situation for himself

No no no, she certainly didn't need to go do something like that. As it was, her figure was quite kind to show off all of the work she had done in her Delta Force training and her STARS work. Despite her squirming once she realised what he was doing, Chris was able to feel those muscles in her arms under her soft skin.

"You're perfect, Jill. Don't go letting something some arsehole has said to you get to ya." He stated simply before Jill managed to regain herself and shove him away.

"No arsehole has said _anything_ to me," She snapped, "And I'm not _going_ anything, so get off your high horse, Chris."

He raised his hands in a defensive way, but soon smiled again, "Just making sure you aren't doing anything stupid! It would be such a shame to see a smart woman like you do something like that."

She snorted before taking another sip from her coffee, not uttering a word. How idiotic did he think she was? She had found it quite offense. She shot him a glare from the corner of her eye, which probably would have made most people cry.

"Stop that before you break me like a mirror." Chris said, leaning back on the table again before giving her another playful poke, "You're gonna make me go whimpering if you keep it up."

"Shut up, you love me." She laughed, that smile returning to her face. Chris nodded.

"I _adore_ you."

"Suck up." She shook her head, continuing to laugh for a bit. The man seemed to always know just what to say, no matter what situation she threw at the poor man. How many months had she spent testing the poor guy? Quite a few, that was for sure. But he always managed to bounce back.

"Hey. Back to the subject at hand. It could be worse, right? At least ya learned to get rid of the prick." Chris said, his smile once again turning to comfort. She needed a good joke – Or, a good reminded of what type of guys she had been unfortunate enough to discover before.

"Oh, like what?" She asked, tilting her head to the side a fraction. "Enlighten me, my dear. You seem to have no problem dealing with _my_ gender."

"Speaking from what is your point of view… What about Joey?" Chris asked simply, inspiring a whole-hearted shudder from Ms. Valentine.

"Oh god… The chest hair… The things you manage to find out _after_… Or _during_ sleeping with a guy." She cringed, shaking her head. "My god. I keep saying, to everyone. For the love of Christ, wax your chest or I'm not touching you. Does anyone listen to me? Nooo. No-one that supposedly 'loves' me has ever really listened to anything I've said."

"Your favourite colour is blue, flowers are Hydrangeas and food is tomatoes, and of course you love those Bull Terrier dogs. The thing that freaks you out about cockroaches is how they go both crunch and splat under your boot. Oh, and of course you don't like chest hair, plus you were the last one to lose your virginity out of your friendship group in high school." He stated, not rushing his words in the slightest despite Jill's look of surprise. "Despite being the prettiest one out of 'em." He mumbled very quietly, not allowing her to hear him say such a thing.

Jill looked at him for a few moments in silence, appearing dumbfounded at the knowledge. She soon caught herself doing this and gave him a hard thwack on the arm. "Aren't you friggin' Mr. Know it all? And how the hell did you know that last one?!"

"I listen." He answered seriously. Jill hissed a soft 'Tsst' and rolled her eyes before taking a sip of her coffee, noticing it losing the original warmth. She didn't exactly what to go put it in a microwave. Such things always took out the flavour and left it tasting bloody terrible to her.

"Whatever," She chuckled, leaning back on her seat. She stretched her arms up, making a rather vein attempt to fight off the fatigued feelings her bad mood was bringing with it. Seeing the small window of opportunity, Chris leaned close for a moment and poked the poor woman's stomach. She yelped, quickly straightening herself back to sitting properly and took a swing at his hand, missing hit by a fair distance. She huffed, leaving Chris enough time to start the conversation back up again.

"C'mon. Man Hair and not listening aren't all of them and you know it. What about Kent then, eh?" Chris pried. Jill always seemed happy laughing at her mistakes with him, and he would do his best to get those damned smiles, as rare as hen's teeth for anyone else to see, from her.

"Oh god. Kent. I swear, he was compensating for something! Brag and brag, that's all he ever did! Ugh, I thought my ears were gonna bleed that time!" She stated, unable to help but grin as she thought about it – Naturally, it had really only lasted about the half the duration of that date when she had fallen asleep.

"Damn, I remember you talking about that one. But how's about Cole? He _was_ compensating for something!" Chris reminded her, taking a fair bit of pride that he wasn't on the scale as the same guy, as cruel as it was.

Jill snorted, quickly putting a hand over her mouth. It took her a few minutes for her to calm down enough to talk, and even then her voice was filled with the giggles. "Oh sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I felt so bad for laughing at him for that but… Man. I was such a bitch."

"I know you were. What was it you said to him? You're better off using your fingers?" Chris laughed loudly. Jill gave him another hard whop on the arm, quickly hissing a loud 'shush'.

"Keep it down!" She laughed, trying to be as quiet as possible, "You're making me sound like a… A… I don't even know!"

"You're the one who said it to the guy! I'm real surprised you didn't give poor ol' One-Nut as much of a hard time!"

"Shut up, stop bring in…" She had to stop talking, folding her arms on the table to hide her face and muffle her laughter. It was still quite audible regardless, and even as she tried to sit up and speak again, she hadn't managed to stop, "Stop bringing in the physically impaired! Please! Poor ol' Neal, you'll never let me give the poor bastard a break will you?!"

"Fine fine, bad manners, then eh? What about Grant? Is my order here yet? Chris began to mimic yet another man he had been informed about at some point, tapping his fingers and thumb together in a similar mocking way.

"Soon it was gonna be 'Where's my beer, woman!' and 'I can't be bothered getting the remote off the bench do it for me!' " Jill joined in the mimicking, though lacked the same gestures as she was unable to keep her hands steady enough. "Oh lord, and that son of a bitch Lance!"

"Tsst… That's just one of them guys that give us fellas one hell of a bad name! I can't imagine how hard it would have been to explain it to his wife!" Chris exclaimed. The poor girl, the last thing she ever wanted to be was a home ruiner.

"Not easy I can tell you! Just glad he learned to get rid of the guy." Jill nodded, seeming exceptionally ticked about the man in mention. "I still actually go out with her for coffee ever now and then, bad mouthing the guy."

"Good job on that one, I gotta say." He nodded in agreement. He paused for a moment, thinking of something to steer it back to a brighter aspect. At least more humourous. "Hey, are you seeing a pattern with this? Why not try dating people without those stuffy, sophisticated names?"

"Oh, you have any in mind I should look out for?" She smirked, looking at him with an indeed amused look. He made a mocked thinking expression, looking away from a moment before back at her.

"Oh, I don't know… Nicky, Jay… Chriiisss?" He smirked widely, waiting for her response.

"Christopher sounds pretty sophisticated to me, Sugar." She smiled, poking him in the chest. He scowled – She knew how much he hated being called that name. No matter how formal the occasion, he never introduced himself as more than Chris, Chris Redfield at the most. She chuckled, this time at being able to stir him. She stretched her arms forward on the table, resting her head down on them as she looked up at him.

"… What's with you Ms. 'Ha, I can push your buttons too', Hm?" He pouted at her, but with no hint of irritation in his voice. Not when she looked happy, smiling like that.

"Nothing's with me." She hummed, keeping that sweet smile, "I'm just quite glad I've got a pal like you. Seem to always know what to say to perk me up."

"I'm your best pal in this place, it's what I do." He shrugged slightly, though was more than happy to repay her smile. "You look like you're wondering something M'dear. What's on your mind?"

"Just wondering is all. You know pretty well exactly how my so called 'love life' is going." She answered, humming once again for a moment, "What about you are your constantly changing sleeping arrangements?"

"Same old same old. Show no sign of changing. Kinda a shame, really." Chris explained, shrugging yet again.

"Love 'em and leave 'em?"

"I'm better than that Jill. They love me then _they_ leave me!" He protested, though was chuckling while he did. He knew she had meant no real harm with her statements.

"You never put up much of a fight." She stated, managing to ease herself up.

He shrugged at this, not seeming bothered despite his protest of what she appeared to be labeling him with. "They say the cleanest break up is when the girl runs out on you with your things." He paused, noticing her sour look. He offered her a bit of a smile, knowing he should have been treading with more care, "Course by the sound of your recent incident, I bet yours was a **bloodbath**."

"You'd be right." She stated. She looked at her coffee mug, not much left. She took another sip, not too hassled.

Now that wasn't quite what he had expected from her. By all means she should have defended her self a bit. Then he could have maybe been given something to work with. But she hadn't now, had she?

"You reckon the next guy's gonna be the same?" Chris asked slowly, seeming a tad more serious than he had been. She shrugged unenthusiastically.

"I think I'm over men in general. Woman aren't much better than selves. Think I'll just start takin' care of my self from now on." She answered, glancing at him curiously. She hadn't expected that at all – It wasn't like him to really give too much of a damn. At least, she hadn't noticed if it was.

"That's what he said." He laughed, though the sound of it seemed misplaced, and his smile awkward.

"Absolutely correct there. In that sense, too." She stated.

Damn Damn Damn. What was she doing? She wasn't say thing the things she was meant to be saying. Why wasn't she making this easier for him? No, no. To hell with it. He had already thought with that last guy, hell, things were dead. Not this time, no, he wasn't going down without a fight this time.

He looked down at the table, not uttering a word.

"… What's wrong with you, Chris? It's rare you ever actually shut your mouth." Jill inquired, leaning closer to him. He shook his head and clasped his hands together. "Hey, come on, you're lying to me."

He hummed softly under his breath for finally speaking off. His voice had lost all of the humour it had held. "Ya know, friends and stuff… Well, people have 'em. Some times, a guy really cares about his mate, a real pretty girl. Stick close to her, kinda pretty interested in her, but also actually gives a damn about her well being and happiness, you know? Just wants to look after her, make sure she doesn't get hurt. Ah, yeah. But the girl sees the fella strictly as a friend. Mentions he's the greatest, or something like that, but he's just a friend. It's like going to an interview, and they say 'Your resume and shit's brilliant, but I'm not going to hire you.' Course they add salt in the wound, by going and using it to compare for what they're looking for, calling him at night and telling him how the fuckwit's fucked up this time around."

There was a silence between the two, while Chris took a drink from his own coffee, ignoring the sandwich he had brought earlier.

"Chris… What are you saying?" Jill asked quietly, she couldn't help but feel the sudden heartache descend, raising her hand over her heart to try and ease it. But it did no good.

"… I'm asking you out, Jillers." He admitted, looking her in the eyes. He could see her bottom lip quiver when she heard his answer, looking wide-eyed at him, disbelief.

"Chris, d-don't joke around!" She spat, turning her body away from him. "This isn't funny Chris, not in the slightest!"

"I'm not kidding, Jilly." Chris stated sternly. "Come on, what could there possibly be for you to turn me down, Jill?"

She looked back at him awkwardly, not knowing how to react to the young man's proposal. He couldn't possibly be serious, no, no way in hell would he give her a chance after knowing everything he did about her.

"Oh please, you could have a hairy chest that I don't know about." She chuckled, trying to turn it back to a joke. However, Chris unbuttoned and unzipped his vest, stripping it off before raising his shirt. As luck would have it, no hair, not in the slightest. Jill herself was pretty tempted to run a hand down the man's chest, but managed to convince herself otherwise. He lowered his shirt and looked at her patiently, awaiting her next little challenge.

"And how do I know you're not just compensating some something along the lines?" She laughed, even with her sudden shyness towards him, knowing he would pick up on what she meant by that. Men had such egos that they couldn't _not_ know what that sort of thing meant.

Without thinking twice, he stood up from his seat. Hey eyes followed him, but she jumped out of her seat when his hands went to his belt, more than ready to unbuckle in order to convince her.

She quickly grabbed his hands, yanking them away from his waist. "Stop it you idiot! You're in a police station; it'll be half a second before you're arrested for indecent exposure!!"

"You'd bail me out, wouldn't you?" He asked sweetly, noticing her panic.

"With money out of your pay check." She hissed, dragging him back to his seat. He placed a hand on her shoulder, though she quickly tried to shrug it off.

"Tell me V, after all the shit you've been through lately, I can't be that bad of an option." He smiled, finding her sudden change in response quite endearing. "Come on, just give me a chance. You already know me, you know my few good qualities and all of my bad ones, but you've still been my friend. That's gotta be worth something, right?"

"How do I know you're not going to love me and leave me like those others, huh?" She spat venomously, looking away from him. Chris muttered something she took no notice of, however he had soon set a hand below her chin and had turned her back to him, before giving her a surprisingly soft kiss.

She could have sworn that bloody heart of hers stopped there and then.

"I won't leave if you don't leave me, we got a deal?" He asked after pulling away. The woman in front of him seemed basically frozen, not replying. "I've already told you how much I love you, Jill. You just haven't been listening or taking me seriously at all!"

She once again tried to look away from him, but he wouldn't have a bar of it. He made sure she looked him in the eye – He wanted an answer, but the look in his own eyes said he wasn't forcing anything of her.

"What's say we go now?" He coaxed, letting go and standing up. She followed suite, appearing to slowly recover from what had just taken place.

"Captain Wesker'll have our arses for it."

"Since when were you the type to give a fuck?"

"… Have anywhere in mind?" Jill finally asked with a soft smile, causing Chris to grin.

"Just a nice little café I know. I know you don't like Restaurants much." He answered, slipping his arm around her waist and beginning to walk her to the door.

"Well I'll be damned… You do listen to me…"


End file.
